A drunk game of truth or dare
by geekmage
Summary: The Losties get drunk off of tequila and deside to play truth or dare. Jate, Skate, Jana, Sana, Shayid, and PB&J! Enjoy!
1. prologue: Tequila

Jack decided to go for a stroll in the jungle. He walked for a few minutes before noticing something in the sand. He went closer to it. It was another DHARMA food drop. But this wasn't like there other food drops. He looked through it and found the usual food and water, just boring stuff. But when he examined it closer he found a huge case of tequila! A wide smile crossed his face as a mad gleam appeared in his eyes. He started laughing hysterically. The beast started coming near him to attack and steal the tequila but then he got saw how crazy Jack looked and got scared and ran away.

"Thank you food drop people!" He screamed at the top of his lungs.

Evil Food Drop Person: Yes! Yes! Yes! Our evil plan is unfolding! Mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Jack inconspicuously hid the tequila behind a tree next to the food drop. "Well I better go tell everyone about the food drop so I can seem more heroic. Ever sense I lost my spandex Sawyer and Sayid have been stealing my thunder. Locke has been trying to steal my thunder but the audience doesn't like him because he's a bald loser so I don't have to worry about him stealing my thunder." Jack said to no one in particular. He walked back to the camp to tell everyone about the food drop.

"Hey guys! Guess what? I heroically found another food drop! Come see! Come see!" He yelled when he returned to the camp. Every one started to cheer.

"You know when I find a food drop I don't get cheered on like this," James said bitterly.

"Well that's because you're not as rich as Matthew Fox Josh, I mean Sawyer." Sayid said. "But don't worry buddy, the fans like us better."

"They like me better than you because I'm a blonde." James said. "And I have a totally hot southern accent."

"Well I have a totally hot mid eastern accent and you dye your hair blonde." Sayid said matter-of-factly.

"Shut up. The audience doesn't know that." James whispered as he ran a hand through his hair. The survivors went down and started collecting stuff from the food drop. Jack heroically tried to divide the food between the survivors.

Sayid looked behind the tree where the tequila was hid. _Yay! Now I can be more of a hero then Jack for finding alcohol! _He thought cheerfully. "Hey guys look what I found!" He said dramatically. "I found…"

But Jack noticed him. "Hey shut up. I wanted to keep the tequila for my self."

"But we must share, it is the right thing to do," Sayid protested.

"You just want to seem more heroic. I figured that out because I'm smart" Jack said. "Tell ya what, we'll share it with the other main cast, but not with the extras."

"Okay," Sayid agreed. Sayid hid the beer more inconspicuously by putting leaves in front of it. After a while everyone settled down and took the food drop stuff back to camp. Sayid and Jack decided that they would take out the tequila out at night because drinking is always more fun at night. (Not that I would know.) Finally night approached and Jack took out the tequila and brought it over to a big fire while Sayid gathered some of the main cast.

"Check this out," Jack said excitedly when the main cast came towards them. "We have a whole case of tequila!" The main cast started to cheer. They quickly rushed to the case. "Now no one tell the extras about this because we don't want to share." The main cast (Who included Jack, John, James, Sayid, Kate, Ana Lucia, Charlie, Claire, and Shannon) pulled out the bottles and started to chug. Now remember, on the island people can hold their liquor better then they can in the real world. Some weird stuff that you don't want to know about happened. But by now James, Sayid, Kate, Shannon, and (quite unfortunately) Jack were shirtless and Shannon "forgot" to wear a bra that day. Some how Locke (once again quite, unfortunately) was some now wearing a hula skirt that appeared out of no were. They were sitting down by the fire slurring the chicken dance song and Sawyer was dancing like a chicken in the middle of them.

"My turn!" Shannon yelled.

"This is boring," Kate slurred. "I wanna see Jack dance like a chicken."

"Do you not think I'm hot enough when I dance like a chicken? Do you think Jack would dance hotterer?" James questioned.

"Maaaaybe," Kate said looking around innocently. James began to sob. Now we know why he never cries on the show. It was not a pretty sight. "Stop being so emo, Jimmy."

"Don't call me Jimmy," he said glaring at Kate. But he couldn't hold the frown long because it gave him a headache. The others started clapping James turned around to see Shannon dancing like a chicken.

"Barbie dances better then pretty boy," said Charlie.

"He shut up, only I'm allowed to call people by witty nicknames Hobbit, see witty," James stated lifting his eyebrows twice as he flashed his mighty dimples of doom. Jack and Locke glared. _Oh, how I wish I had super hot dimples._ They both thought bitterly.

"Well that's why you're so popular with the audience and I just want to be more popular or they might kill me off," Charlie said.

"I'm popular because I'm a super hot redneck," Sawyer said matter-of-factly.

"Well you dye you're hair blonde and I don't," Charlie said crossing his arms.

"You dye your hair blonde too."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Lets play truth or dare," Claire said randomly and blondely.

"Yeah," James said, not wanting to taint his victory on his argument with Charlie.

"I wanna watch Shannon dance like a chicken some more because she's really hot when she does that. Actually she's hot no matter what she does. I still don't get why she choose me over pretty boy Bonne. I'm pretty hot, but let's face it; Bonne's in a whole other class then me. Maybe it's 'cause he has creepy eyebrows. Plus I'm smarter then him, but then again everyone is. I'm goanna keep talking to myself while the author shifts focus to the other characters," Sayid said.

"I don't wanna play truth or dare," Jack whined heroically.

"And now I'm going to finally talk because the amazing and sexy author of this story keeps forgetting to make me talk," Said Ana Lucia. "You don't want to play because you're a chicken, bawlk, bawlk, bawlk, bawlk."

"I thought we stopped dancing like chickens," Claire said confusedly and blondley.

"I'm not a chicken, Jack said. "I'm superman! I just lost my spandex, that's all."

"Well I have my spandex," Locke stated.

"Yeah? Well I look hotter in spandex and the audience likes me better then they like you," Jack shot back.

"Yeah well I look hotterer in spandex than both of you and the audience likes me best," Sawyer proudly stated.

"Not this argument again," Kate said rolling her eyes, but she was so severely drunk that this act nearly made her pass out.

"Are we goanna play or not?" Saiyd asked, apparently finished with his ramble.

"Ok," the drunken group mumbled. "Who gets to go first?" asked Charlie.

"We'll go in alphabetical order," Saiyd said.

"But we're to drunk to remember the alpavet," Shannon protested.

"Let's go clockwise," said John wisely.

"Okay," Jack said. "But first I'm goanna go behind a tree and vomit a few times and then have several dry heaves. I hate dry heaves. Will you hold my hair Kate?"

"Your hair's not long enough to hold back like Jimmy's," Kate responded. Jack scowled at Sawyer.

"Curse you and your pretty boy hair," Jack said bitterly. James grinned mischievously.

"I'll come with you," Said Ana Lucia causing Kate to glower at her. Ana went and help Jack vomit, (though you really can't help someone vomit, because vomit only comes out when it wants to.) They returned and took their places on the logs.

"Alright, let's play," said Jack clasping his hands. "I get to go first because I gave the most money to this show," He said and the others nodded.

Evil Food Drop Person: Yes! Yes! Yes! Our evil plan worked! Now A drunk game of truth or dare will make this show exiting so people will stop watching American Idol and watch our show instead! Mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!


	2. Round one

Warning, the words anal sex and blowjob will be said in this chapter said but not performed in the setting of this story. Try to enjoy**and don't forget to review because today is my BIRTHDAY!** And you guys should totally give me suggestions for the story and I promise I'll put in everything! 

"Okay," Jack said. He looked around the group curiously looking for a victim. "Charlie?"

"Truth," he said quickly as if it were a reflex. Jack's brow furrowed as he tried to think of something to ask him. Everyone stared at him as he thought. Several minutes went by, or it felt that way to the drunken group. Sawyer started to make fake snoring noise's drawing a laugh from Kate. Jack glared.

"How tall are ya, munchkin?" Charlie raised his eyebrows. "Come on."

"Six…" They all glared at him. "Five… ten," Glares. "Nine," More glares. "Six," even more glares. "Four. Five four. Are you happy now?" he looked quite mortified.

"My turn!" Kate slurred. She turned to Sawyer.

"Why are you looking at me like that hot lips? Am I really that sexy?" She rolled her eyes.

"I dare you to put on my bra and walk around singing 'I feel so pretty', She said with naughty grin. Sawyer puckered an eyebrow. Locke gave a shrill giggle.

"See? I'm so hot that I make guys horny." Said James looking at Locke. The smile quickly slid off of Locke's face.

"Sorry but my heart belongs to the beast," Locke stated. "Now that Walt is off the island."

"I am _not _doing that," Sawyer stated stubbornly.

"I'll do it!" Jack said enthusiastically. The Losties stared. "Only because I'm not a chicken like Sawyer." He said quickly as his eyes darted from face to face of the Losties.

"No way. We don't want see Sawyer do that," said Shannon.

"Weren't you flirting with me at the beginning of the series?" James asked.

"That was you flirting with me, and every other girl on the island, and Sayid that one time you were uber drunk and thought he was a girl," Shannon replied.

"Right, drunk," James stated, his eyes shifting.

"Come on, just do it James," Kate said a little annoyed. Said redneck glared at Kate.

"Oh alright, but only for you, freckles," Kate pulled of her bra, unfortunately for Jack, Sawyer, and every guy present she didn't take of her shirt first. Twenty pounds of cotton fell from Kate's shirt. She hastily tried to swipe it away before the Losties' saw it. She looked quite mortified.

"Don't worry, girl, I'm all for 'what ever god has forgotten stuff with cotton,'" Shannon said confidently. "And so are the rest of us girls, main and extras alike."

"Here I go," Said James hooking on the bra. He took the twenty pounds of cotton from Kate's hands roughly and shoved them in her pink bra decorated with flowers. He got up and started to skip around sing 'I feel so pretty'. The main casts' ears began to bleed but they were to busy laughing to notice the warm crimson liquid pouring out of their ears.

"You know I never said you have to skip around," Kate said with a grin.

"Of course you didn't," James said clearing his throat. "But I looked hot doing it so it's okay. And I sang in my super hot voice."

"Oh please, you sound like your coughing up three cats, and a dog, and a parrot, and a couple of gerbils, and a albino rat, and a Chime Chunga," said Ana Lucia.

"Shut up bitch," Kate said. "I swear there gonna kill you of next."

"Your just jealous that I don't have to stuff my bra with twenty pounds and seven ounces of cotton like you," Anna said sticking out her tongue out.

"How come you weigh how much cotton I stuff my bra?" Kate asked, sounding a little frightened.

"I could just tell by looking at it," she replied simply.

"I would love to continue sitting here and listen to you guys fighting over me," said James though they were clearly not fighting over the super hot redneck, "but it is my turn. Kate?" He said, once again flashing his mighty dimples of fury.

"Truth," she said simply. The dimples vanished causing the many Josh fans to give a heart-wrenching sob, such as Sassylostie.

"Oh come on, are you afraid of a little dare?" he asked, trying to taunt the girl with a freckly face.

"Nah, I just knew you were gonna ask me to give you a BJ or something like that, I figured that out because I'm wonder woman, or at least I'm hotter then wonder woman," Kate responded. "But they still wouldn't give me the roll so I had to get on this random show with a bunch of shotty actors no one has ever heard of," she said, bitterness tinting her tone.

"How did you know I was gonna ask you that?" Sawyer asked. "Did you steal Desmond's powers?"

"I told you, I'm wonder woman, I already have super powers of my own, and don't you pretty boy, redneck, emos, ever listen?" She asked shaking her head.

"And I'm, gonna talk now because the amazing and sexy author of this story keeps forgetting to make me talk. You know she's not that hot, but maybe I just don't think she's hot because I'm not a bald child molester like some people," Jack said turning his head to Locke. Said bald child molester looked down ashamedly.

"Well she is pretty hot when she plucks her una brow," the bald child molester mumbled.

"When will the amazing and sexy author of this story let me talk?" Claire asked blondely.

"After my turn," said Sawyer.

"How come you get to talk so much?" Claire whined blondley.

"Because the amazing and sexy author of the story thinks I'm hot, maybe if the author was a lesbian she would like you better. Now, my turn, Kate why don't you wanna give me a BJ?"

"I already gave you a few in the cages and the amazing and sexy author of this story wants to please some of the Jaters who are reading this also." Kate explained to the hot hillbilly.

"Does this mean I get to do stuff with you?" Jack asked looking up eagerly.

"Yep," said Kate "But don't worry Skaters, there will be Skate in hear to because I think that Josh is pretty hot."

"My turn!" Claire said excitedly. "Ok Shannon, I dare you to make out with Sayid," She said blondley, though that was quite a good idea. Everyone's necks turned to Sayid so fast that it was a surprise that their necks did not snap.

"Come on Shan-Shan, come get some," Said Sayid puckering his lips causing the group to laugh. Shannon leaped into Sayid's lap and started to passionately make out with him. Their faces slowly went from scarlet to violet to sapphire as they made out and then they both passed out as they forgot to break for air. The group stared intently as they made out until they finally passed out.

"My turn!" said Charlie. He spun his head around to Claire; an impish look stole over his features.

"Dare," she said looking at the vertically challenged man blondley.

"Nice, he's gonna make her do something _naughty_," Jack said heroically.

"She _is _your sister Jack," Locke reminded the doctor who thought he was superman.

"Oh yeah, she is isn't she? Charlie don't you dare make my sister do something naughty with you," he said, his voice suddenly becoming more serious. "If you do I'll burn you with my heat vision. Remember Claire; the only mouth your tongue should ever be in is your own."

"Okay Claire, you ready?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah," Claire stated.

"You sure?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah," Claire said.

"Are you really sure?"

"Yeah."

"Are you really sure?"

"Yeah."

"Are you really, really sure?"

"Yeah."

"Are you really, really, really sure?"

"Yeah."

"Okay," Charlie said so quietly that Claire had to lean in to hear him. A sent of mangos stole over his nose. "I dare you to sing the quadratic equation song," He said blondley. The group stared at him in disbelief.

"What?"

"Yeah, sing the song," Charlie said.

"You get the girl you wanna bang to say dare and you ask her to sing the quadratic equation song?" John asked incredulously.

"You could have asked her to do so many things and you ask her to do _that_?" James asked loudly.

"Well we've already done so many things," Charlie replied raising a shoulder slightly.

"Shut up," Claire said through clenched teeth, punching him hard in the shoulder.

"Come on, sing it, nobody's watching except for these loser," Charlie said giving her a little nudge. The Losties glared.

"X equals the opposite of b, plus or minus the square root," The rest of the Losties joined in. "Of b squared, minus four ac all over two a." Everyone cheered.

"My turn!" Shannon exclaimed, obviously having woken up. Sayid was still out cold. "Charlie when you said you had already done a every thing with Claire what did you mean? What _have _you done with her?" She asked lifting her eyebrows twice.

"What have we not done?" Charlie responded. "You didn't ask me truth or dare, by the way."

"Don't you always pick truth any ways? Answer the question," Shannon said impatiently.

"Be more specific."

"Have you…kissed?" Shannon questioned.

"Well," Charlie said with a sight chuckle. "If kissing means anal sex then yeah." The drunk group irrupted with laughter as Claire slapped Charlie so hard that he passed out.

"And that completes round one," Said Jack when everyone finished laughing.

"But Sayid didn't get to go," Shannon complained. Jack Shrugged.

"He can go now, but the amazing and author of this story is sick of writing and wants to rap up this chapter. So let me end this chapter on a dramatic note," he cleared his throat. "So ends round one, of this game."


End file.
